Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Are we still banned from the library?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
