Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
