Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm like, not good at living.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
