My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
