a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
