So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
