She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
