can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
