gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
