I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
