everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
