the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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