Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
