every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
