Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
