??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
