Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize