Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
tell me about the eggs
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
