i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
