this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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