So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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