I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Houston, we have a squirter
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize