i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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