Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
