By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
