I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize