I am midnight drunk by noon
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
