I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
