Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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