If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
