you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Slut skills are useful in every country.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
