I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize