honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
