So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
