Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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