there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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