we're making bets on your personal life
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
