so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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