I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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