You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
