Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
