I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
