So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
two words...techno handjob
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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