Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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