i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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