Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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