So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
