Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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