i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
