you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
