I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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