I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
