Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
