you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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