I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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