You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
