The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
