as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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