I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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