So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Bring me that man meat