Texts From Last Night

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  (613): View more from Ontario

  There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.

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  (613): There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room. http://tfl.nu/y7ti
  Replies (17) Good night (2301) Bad night (5161)
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  (925): View more from California

  He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.

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  (925): He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there. http://tfl.nu/tyej
  Replies (14) Good night (4169) Bad night (1024)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  first off, his name is dougie. strike one.

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  (248): first off, his name is dougie. strike one. http://tfl.nu/yrg3
  Replies (22) Good night (1142) Bad night (4737)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?

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  (204): well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing? http://tfl.nu/m8p9
  Replies (9) Good night (3356) Bad night (1217)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter

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  (973): So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter http://tfl.nu/eba3
  Replies (36) Good night (2148) Bad night (5800)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.

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  (713): Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go. http://tfl.nu/z9ow
  Replies (10) Good night (3636) Bad night (1055)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?

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  (260): How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content? http://tfl.nu/u3hm
  Replies (8) Good night (2784) Bad night (1333)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity

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  (850): I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity http://tfl.nu/pmac
  Replies (6) Good night (3250) Bad night (1226)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.

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  (701): That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley. http://tfl.nu/h7e5
  Replies (15) Good night (2756) Bad night (1598)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.

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  (863): I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen. http://tfl.nu/kind
  Replies (8) Good night (2088) Bad night (1067)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.

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  (317): Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios. http://tfl.nu/l40u
  Replies (4) Good night (940) Bad night (551)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live

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  (954): And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live http://tfl.nu/94h1
  Replies (3) Good night (825) Bad night (744)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see

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  (651): Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see http://tfl.nu/afr3
  Replies (6) Good night (1560) Bad night (463)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name

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  (646): Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name http://tfl.nu/j3ir
  Replies (5) Good night (550) Bad night (824)
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  (925): View more from California

  He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"

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  (925): He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram" http://tfl.nu/fw0k
  Replies (3) Good night (156) Bad night (356)

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