I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize