small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
