I cannot find my penis.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.