she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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