What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.