your thong is hanging out like whoa
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever