bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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