you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
