Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
