:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
