omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
