Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
