we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I need to calm my uterus...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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