between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
